


Another Sunrise

by LillianMontane



Category: One Piece
Genre: Depression, Nakamaship, References to Depression, learning to live with depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-06 00:22:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16377878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LillianMontane/pseuds/LillianMontane
Summary: Sanji learning how to live and cope with depression





	1. Chapter 1

“Sanji?”

 

“What is it, Chopper?”

 

“Why don’t you ever smile anymore?”

 

“What are you talking about? I smile all the time whenever the beautiful Nami or gorgeous Robin grace me with their presence.”

 

“No, but a real smile. One that is there because you’re happy and doesn’t leave once no one is watching you anymore.”

 

“Oh, well, I hadn’t realized I was doing that, sorry. But Chopper, there’s nothing for you to worry about.”

 

“You’ll tell me if you need any help, right?” The reindeer could make anyone agree to anything with those large eyes of his, and Sanji was no exception.

 

“Of course. You’ll be the first I come to if I want help.”

 

Seemingly reassured, the doctor hopped off the stool he was sitting on and trotted out of the room. Sanji watched him go, sighing once the door closed. He didn’t think anyone had noticed, but Chopper was right. He hadn’t honestly smiled for what seemed like months now. That wasn’t all either. Sanji had been losing interest in many activities that he once found enjoyable. He hadn’t even tried to come up with a new fancy drink for the ladies this week at all.

 

Sanji took a notepad and pen from one of the drawers in his kitchen and moved to the dining table. Sitting down he put pen to paper and began a list. First came activities he used to love to do. Then he went to mark which of those he had done within the last few weeks. Only doting on the ladies and fighting with Zoro. He stared at the paper. Had that been for enjoyment though? Or had it simply been out of habit? The blonde let his head fall to the table with a dull thunk. It had been from habit. When was the last time he had even come up with a new recipe? It had been weeks. Sanji groaned before hearing the door open again. He recognized the step and didn’t bother to look up.

 

“What’s wrong with you, Cook?” Zoro crossed through the room on his way to the sink, grabbing a glass on the way. He filled the glass with water and turned back around to face the blonde. Leaning against the counter, he sipped from the glass and waited for a response.

 

“Are you happy, Marimo?” Sanji asked as he raised his head from the table.

 

Zoro hadn’t expected that. He raised an eyebrow before answering, “Yeah I suppose, why, what’s this about?”

 

“I don’t know if I am. Luffy will one day be the pirate king. You will be the greatest swordsman in the world. Chopper will cure all diseases.” He paused and sighed again, “I am chasing a fairy tale.”

 

“But it is important to you. It’s your goal, and no less significant than any of ours.”

 

“Yours is attainable. Mine is a children’s story.”

 

“What’s this about, Cook?”

 

“Nothing. Forget I brought it up.” Sanji stood and left the room without a second glance at the other man.

 

*****

 

“Ouch! Ow ow ow ow! Oh god, RUN!” Usopp came tearing out of his workshop and smoke billowed out behind him. Sanji jumped out of the way, narrowly avoiding being run down by the excitable sharpshooter. “Oh, Sanji! Hi! Just in the middle of testing a new experiment!”

 

“Usopp, can I ask you something?”

 

“Sure, go ahead.”

 

“Do you ever regret joining the crew?”

 

“Not one bit! How else am I going to become a great warrior of the sea?”

 

“Right, but, do you ever think maybe they’d be better off without you?”

 

“I have wondered that. But then I remember that Luffy would not have even agreed to me in the first place if I wasn’t worth it. I know I’m nowhere near as strong as him, you, or Zoro, but that’s ok. I’ll get there, and I know the crew believes in me. You do, right?”

 

“Of course! You’re the best sharpshooter out there! It’s just... sometimes I feel useless on this crew. Replaceable, you know? There are so many chefs out there. If Luffy hadn’t found me, he would have just found someone else...” Sanji trailed off.

 

“Sanji...”

 

“But anyway, I came to give you this.” He handed over a mug of hot chocolate. “Nami says the next island must be a winter island. The temperature is dropping already. Bring the mug to the galley when you’re done?”

 

Usopp nodded his agreement, and watched quizzically as the blonde chef walked away. What had brought about those questions?

 

*****

 

“Staaaaaaaaaarving!”

 

“No you’re not. Get up off the ground.” Sanji rolled his eyes as he watched his captain inch his way along the galley floor like a worm. He sat at the table rolling cigarettes and waiting for the water for tea to boil.

 

“But Sanji, it’s been forever since lunch!”

 

“It’s been 2 hours!”

 

“FOREVER!!”

 

“Luffy, do you think I am good for anything besides making you food?”

 

“Of course! You kick stuff too!” Luffy replied as he rolled onto his back and looked up.

 

“Yeah, but anyone can do that stuff.”

 

“True. But they aren’t you.”

 

Sanji raised one eyebrow, “what’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“It means Sanji is Sanji. No one else can be. And this crew doesn’t need anyone else. We need Sanji.”

 

The blond stared down at the younger male, silent for a few heartbeats. Those words had strangely made him feel a bit better. Then Luffy broke the silence, dramatically flopping limply back to the floor and whining again, “starving!”

 

“Fine. If I make you a snack, will you last until dinner?”

 

“Yosh! As long as it has meat!”

 

“You may have the rest of the fish you caught this morning.”

 

“Yay!”

 

Sanji rolled his eyes again, but he grinned and chuckled as he walked over to concoct a snack using the remaining fish. Luffy always made him feel better, whether he knew it or not.

 

*****

 

Dinner passed as normal as a meal with the strawhat pirates could. Usopp decided at one point to test his aim and Luffy’s catching skills by shooting pieces of food across the table into the captain’s mouth. Luffy caught all but a few, but quickly gathered them from where they fell and ate them anyway.

 

“Forry, Fhanji!” Luffy apologized as he stuffed the fallen bits back into his mouth, knowing he would probably earn a kick for both dropping the food and talking with his mouth full. The kick never came, though, as Sanji just sighed and shrugged before gathering the plates to take to the sink for washing.

 

Nami startled at that. Sanji was always adamant about beating manners into the crew, sometimes very literally. Their captain had not only dropped food, but then proceeded to pick it up off the floor and eat it while speaking with his mouth full. And Sanji had walked away without a reaction. She followed their chef over to the sink.

 

“Sanji, is everything alright?”

 

“Of course, Nami-swan, why wouldn’t it be?”

 

“Well, you ignored that Luffy ate food off the floor and talked with his mouth full. You’d normally do something about it.”

 

“I just don’t see why it matters. I’ve been trying for months to teach him manners, and it hasn’t worked. I guess there’s just no point in trying anymore.” He gave Nami a half-hearted smile before continuing, “But is there something you need?”

 

She didn’t let him distract her. “I also noticed you didn’t stop him from taking food from your plate tonight.”

 

He shrugged again and continued washing the dishes. “I figured he needed it more than I do.”

 

“Sanji-kun, you matter to us. You’re important to our crew. You do know that, right?”

 

“A chef is important for the health of any sailing crew.”

 

“No Sanji, not a chef. YOU. You matter, and we care about you.”

 

“Nami-swan is so sweet to care about me!” He spun over to the fridge and pulled a parfait out to hand to the navigator. She took it, smiling at him, even though knowing that she had made no headway in this conversation at all.

 

*****

 

Sanji had night watch. He sat in the crows nest, wrapped in a blanket and holding a mug of hot spiced cider. Alone with his thoughts. He had figured a lot out today. He had come to the following conclusions: He was really quite replaceable and nothing he did really mattered. Boy that was a depressing thought. But it had to be true. Sanji felt tears slowly track down his cheeks. They didn’t need him here. He had been a pain for the old geezer and really the whole restaurant. Even his own family hadn’t wanted him. And his chosen purpose was trying to prove a fairy tale.

 

The blond chef could feel himself sinking in a downward spiral. He kept trying to come up with reasons that he wasn’t really as pathetic and depressing as he felt. The All Blue wasn’t just a fairy tale; it was a chef’s paradise, and would fulfill many dreams if he found it. Luffy had chosen him for a reason. The crew needed him to stay healthy. But each reason he came up with was easily refuted. Someone else could just as easily find the mythical ocean. Luffy had just been hungry when he asked. Any other chef would do to keep the crew from starving.

 

By the time Robin came to relieve him of watch, Sanji had convinced himself that he was entirely worthless for the crew. He huddled miserably on the crows nest floor, eyes red and puffy, and face stained with dried tears.

 

“Cook-San?” Robin called quietly as she climbed the rigging to the nest. He didn’t bother replying.

 

“Sanji?” Robin paused when she reached the top, taken back by the sight she was greeted with. “Sanji-kun, what’s wrong?” The archeologist slowly crossed the short distance and sat beside the dispirited blonde. She gently placed an arm around his shoulders and pulled him into an embrace. The normally posh and collected chef burrowed into her hold, sobbing his heart out, stammering apologies and regrets for her having to find him this way.

 

Robin for her part didn’t let it faze her. She sat and held her nakama close, rubbing has back slowly and murmuring what she hoped were supporting and calming words. Eventually Sanji calmed down enough to pull away and sit up, drying his eyes and looking embarrassed about what he had done.

 

“I’m so sorry, Robin-chan. I know that wasn’t acceptable, and I do apologize for showing such vulgar behavior.”

 

“Cook-San, please don’t apologize. There is nothing wrong with showing some emotion or needing some support from a friend. Do you feel any better?”

 

“A bit, I suppose.”

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“Not really. I’ll bring you something warm before I head to the bunks.”

 

Coming back up to the crows nest after a few minutes, Sanji handed Robin a mug of spiced hot chocolate. “Thank you, Robin. For... everything.” She didn’t reply. Just accepted the mug with a warm smile and watched as the chef descended the rigging and disappeared into the bunk room.

 

Lying on the couch in the dark, Sanji made up his mind to speak with Chopper in the morning. He couldn’t take much more of this. Hopefully their doctor could help.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Sanji flitted nervously about his kitchen making breakfast. He had decided to talk to their doctor, but was quickly losing his resolve. When the crew finally stumbled into the galley, Sanji retreated to the aft deck for a cigarette to calm himself down before approaching Chopper. He had been stressing all morning about it, and was beginning to make himself feel sick. Returning to the kitchen, Sanji checked if the girls needed anything before going to make a cup of tea. He decided on lemon ginger to hopefully calm his stomach.

 

“Sanji?” The high strung blonde nearly dropped the ginger root he was slicing.

 

“Chopper!”

 

“Sanji, what’s wrong? I can smell your anxiety. I can tell it’s been getting worse all morning. Please, I’m your doctor, let me help you!”

 

Sanji sighed and knelt down to Chopper level, “There is something I want to talk to you about. I’ve been trying to figure out how all morning. Can you help me with the dishes until everyone leaves first though?”

 

The small doctor smiled and nodded before pulling over a stool so he could reach the sink. Eventually the crew filed out of the galley, leaving the two alone. Having run out of excuses, Sanji gave in to Chopper’s expectant stare and motioned him over to sit at the table.

 

“You won’t tell anyone, right?”

 

“The only reasons I would tell anything are if you are a threat to the crew or yourself.”

 

Sanji nodded. He was pretty sure he was neither of those. After all, how could someone who was worthless be a threat? He sighed before continuing, “How can I become useful for this crew?”

 

“But you are already useful! We wouldn’t be nearly as healthy as we are if you weren’t here.”

 

“Yeah, but any chef could do that. I am replaceable. Every single thing I do could be done by someone else.”

 

“But we don’t want someone else. We want you.”

 

“Why?”

 

Chopper gaped at the miserable blonde sitting next to him. Sanji had no sense of his own worth. No wonder his anxiety had been rising lately.

 

“Are you happy here, Sanji?”

 

“I don’t think I’d be happy anywhere to be honest.”

 

“Not even All Blue?” “I doubt I’ll find it. It is a fairy tale that no one has ever found. What makes me so special?”

 

Chopper wrote something down in his little notebook before looking back up. “What about day to day activities? Have you noticed a lack of interest in anything recently?”

 

Sanji stood and walked over to rummage through one of the kitchen drawers. He pulled out a sheet of paper and handed it to the small reindeer as he came back to the table. “I made a list of the things I normally enjoy.”

 

“What do the dots mean?”

 

“Those are the ones I have done in the last few weeks.”

 

“Only two?”

 

“Only two.” Sanji confirmed. “The rest just aren’t appealing anymore. Honestly Chopper, what is so great about watching the sun rise? It happens every day. It’s not that great.”

 

“You used to love watching the sun rise. You told me once that each sunrise meant hope and a chance for dreams to come true.”

 

“Yeah, well I guess I’ve just come to realize that it doesn’t really matter.”

 

Chopper wrote again in his notebook before asking, “How has your sleep been?”

 

“Not that great. I can’t seem to stay asleep through the whole night anymore.”

 

“What about appetite?”

 

“I eat when I have to. But I’m sure that I have lost weight over the last few months.”

 

“Sanji, I know you might not want to tell me, but have you harmed yourself or tried to kill yourself?”

 

“No.”

 

“Have you thought about it?”

 

“...”

 

“Sanji, I need to know. This is important.”

 

“I’ve thought about it, Chopper. A lot. And not just recently.

 

“When was the first time you considered it?”

 

“When I was seven.”

 

Chopper felt like crying. His friend had been suffering for so long.

 

“Once I was with Zeff and at the restaurant, things got better. The thoughts were there, but they were easier to ignore or work around. I guess I just got so used to it, that I never realized something was wrong. But now...” Sanji trailed off and moved to light a cigarette.

 

“Now... what?”

 

“I’m sick of feeling this way. Is there anything you can do to help me, Chopper?”

 

“Yes! Yes, there is! According to what you’ve told me, you have depression. And it’s nothing to be ashamed of! It is just another medical diagnosis, just like having the flu, except this is recurrent and not contagious. And there is plenty we can do to help change it. Therapy, medications, even something new I’ve been reading about called electroconvulsive therapy. The important thing to remember is that this is entirely treatable, but will take some time.”

 

“Ok. What do you recommend?”

 

“A combination. I can make some pills for you that will help with your brain chemistry. Essentially, you have chemicals in your brain called dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin to name a few. When the levels of those are... what is that look for?”

 

“Chopper, you already lost me. Is there anyway to explain this in a way I might understand?”

 

“I can give you medication that will help? Then we will meet on a regular basis and talk through everything so that eventually you overcome this. I’ll have to go make the pills, but you should be able to start taking them either tonight or tomorrow morning.”

 

“That I understand. Thank you, Chopper. You’re the best.”

 

“Don’t compliment me, asshole! It doesn’t make me happy at all!” The reindeer ran out of the room in giggles that didn’t match his words at all.

 

*****

 

Chopper spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon creating the medication for Sanji to use. As the chef was doing the dishes from making the beautiful ladies refreshing afternoon drinks, the small doctor came into the galley.

 

“Ok, Sanji, I have them made! They are really easy to take, and you only have to take it once a day. Now, there are a few things that I wa....” Chopper was cut off as the door slammed open again and the rubber arms of their captains stretched through, quickly rocketing his body through after. “Sanji! Snacks!”

 

“No, Luffy, dinner is in just a few hours. You can...”

 

“Oh, hey Chopper! What’s that?”

 

“It’s just some medication for Sanji. I just finished making it.”

 

“Medication? Sanji, what’s wrong? Why do you have to take that?”

 

“Nothing’s wrong Luffy, how about a sandwich filled with meat?”

 

The medication instantly forgotten, Luffy practically inhaled the sandwich the chef handed him and ran off to continue his mischief somewhere else.

 

“Sanji, why didn’t you tell him? There’s nothing wrong with having depression.”

 

“I know, you’ve told me that Chopper, but I just ... don’t want anyone else to know if they don’t absolutely have to.”

 

“Well alright. Want to take your first pill?” The reindeer handed over a bottle filled with small round white tablets. “Take one a day, and make sure to tell me if anything at all changes.”

 

Sanji thanked the doctor with a smile before swallowing a single pill and following it with a glass of water. “How long til it works?”

 

“It’s not an immediate thing. But you should start feeling better in a few weeks. If you have a negative side effect, or really any at all, please let me know!”


	3. Chapter 3

The next few days passed without incident. Sanji took one pill every day, following Choppers directions. On the fifth morning, though, Sanji woke feeling restless. He couldn’t quite place what was off, so decided to go about his day as per usual. Feeling slightly nauseous during breakfast prep, he ate only a few pieces of toast. After washing all the dishes, he was debating taking a nap to make himself feel better. He didn’t make it to the bunk room, though before he heard the cry of “captain overboard!” Changing course, Sanji ran toward where Chopper was pointing.

 

The blonde groaned as he threw off his jacket and shoes. He didn’t have enough energy for this today. As he dove, the cool water was refreshing and woke him up a bit as well as giving him a small energy boost. It wasn’t hard to find Luffy. The water was clear and still as Sanji’s powerful strokes pulled them both back to the ship. Dragging himself and his limp captain back aboard, Sanji’s nausea took a turn for the worse, and he lost what little he had eaten during breakfast back over the side of the ship.

 

Glancing back at the rest of the crew, Sanji tried to gauge if anyone had seen. Deciding he was in the clear, the blonde chef resumed his route to the bunk room for a nap and now a change of clothes. Not even five minutes into his nap though, the door opened and light cut across the dark room.

 

“What was that, Cook?”

 

Sanji groaned. “What was what, Marimo?”

 

“Why’d you get sick after pulling Luffy out?”

 

“Oh that. I don’t know. I’ve just been a bit off all day. Leave me alone. I’ll sleep it off.”

 

“Do you need Chopper?”

 

“There’s no reason to bother him with this. Just let me sleep.”

 

“Fine, but if you aren’t better after, I’m dragging you to him.”

 

“Whatever. Get lost.”

 

The door shut and Sanji sighed. He was so tired, but he couldn’t fall asleep. Tossing and turning wasn’t helping either. Eventually he was able to drift into a fitful doze where he was visited by unsettling and disturbing dreams. After a nap that really didn’t refresh him at all, Sanji felt that he was even lower on energy than before. Gauging it to be almost lunchtime, he dragged himself out of bed and across the deck to the galley. Opening the door, he was surprised to find Usopp inside and moving about the kitchen.

 

“What’s this?!”

 

“Ah! Oh. Sanji, you sca... startled me. I was just putting together some sandwiches. Zoro told me you needed to catch up on some sleep, so lunch was my responsibility. I hope I didn’t use anything that you’d planned for dinner...” Usopp was visibly nervous as he waited for Sanji to reply. The last time someone had used the kitchen without his permission, they were blacklisted for weeks. Sanji didn’t react violently as the sniper expected though. Instead he gave a small smile.

 

“Thanks, Usopp. I appreciate your help. What did you leave me to do?”

 

“Uh well, nothing really. I was just about to call everyone to lunch. Want one?”He held a sandwich out in the chef’s direction.

 

“It looks great, Usopp, but I’m just not hungry right now.”

 

“Are you ok?”

 

“ ‘m fine.”

 

“You don’t look fine.” Sanji looked miserable. His half-open eyes were red and had shadows underneath. His face was pale and even his posture was tired, slumping over the table where he had sat down instead of sitting straight in the chair.

 

“Keep your long nose out of my business. I said I’m fine.”

 

“O...Kay. Well then I guess I’ll just get everyone for lunch.”

 

*****

 

Sanji had slipped out of the galley just before everyone ran in for lunch. Now he sat in the crows nest, hoping no one would find him here. He had brought water, a blanket, and a bucket up with him, just in case he was sick again. Sanji hoped this was just a passing illness that would resolve itself. It wasn’t serious enough to go to Chopper with, even if Zoro had threatened him with that. Deciding it was a good time to try to nap again, Sanji leaned back against the crows nest wall and draped the blanket over himself, asleep in seconds.

 

*****

 

“Hey, Chopper, you got a minute?”

 

“Of course, Zoro, what is it?”

 

“It’s the cook. Have you seen him recently?”

 

“No, why? What’s wrong? Does he need a doctor?! Aaaahhhhh! Wait, that’s me! What can I do to help?”

 

Zoro chuckled at the display. Chopper was certainly never boring. “He wasn’t feeling well earlier. In fact, I saw him get sick right after pulling Luffy out of the drink. Now I can’t find him.”

 

“He was sick and didn’t tell me? But...but I’m his doctor. Why didn’t he come to me?”

 

“I don’t know, Chopper, but could you check on him? Damn fool would try to ignore a heart attack if he had one.”

 

“Of course! I’ll find him. Thanks for letting me know, Zoro!” Chopper ran off in search of his patient.

 

*****

 

Sanji was dreaming. He was on the Going Merry. Every time he turned around, another of his Nakama was there. But none held a smile or a friendly word. Their voices floated all around him, intermingled with each other’s.

 

Usopp: “You’re useless here. Why do we even need a chef?”

 

Nami: “You’re so pathetic. Don’t you know no one will ever love you?”

 

Chopper: “You’re smile isn’t really worth seeing anyway, it’s good you don’t do it anymore.”

 

Robin: “I’m glad you aren’t going to be around much longer.”

 

Zoro: “You’re not worth it. Why did Luffy even choose you? What can you possibly do for him?”

 

Luffy: “I wish that I never asked you to join us.”

 

Then people from his past started showing up, but their voices weren’t clear enough to make out what they were saying, all except one.

 

Zeff: “I never should have taken you in. You should have died on that rock. I lost so much because of you. Everyone would be better off with you gone.”

 

The visions dissolved into swirling black shadows, but their echoing voices remained. Repeating and overlapping, reminding him that he was no good for anyone, that his very existence was pathetic, that everyone would be better off if he were dead.

 

Sanji’s eyes flew open. He could feel his heart racing and bile rising in the back of his throat. They were right. They were all right. He should just do it and get it over with. He slowly stood, the blanket falling away unnoticed. Moving as if in a trance, he climbed to the edge of the crows nest and balanced there, holding on to the rigging. This was it. He could see the water far below, sparkling and inviting. It was the only thing that wanted him. He should join it as soon as he could. Taking a deep breath then exhaling everything, Sanji jumped.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little short this time, but I felt bad about where I left off on the last chapter.

Taking a deep breath then exhaling everything, Sanji jumped. He kept his eyes closed,not wanting to see the reactions if anyone saw his desperation. The sun was warm, in contrast to the cold air. A slight breeze brushed his hair away from his face. He could hear seagulls; they must be getting close to an island. Just as he thought he would feel his body cutting through the crystal water, he instead felt a soft touch around his waist, and the sensation of floating in mid-air. He snapped his eyes open and saw a chain of disembodied forearms and hands wrapped around his middle and linked back to the rigging. They gently carried him back to the ship, setting him down on the lower deck.

 

Robin was there in a blink of an eye, kneeling beside the stunned blonde. He stared up at her, eyes wide in realization of what he had just attempted. His breath sped up, and he clutched at his chest in a feeble attempt to get his heart rate under control. A mellow drone reached his ears and he realized Robin was saying something, shaking his shoulders and trying to get his attention. A buzzing in his ears grew louder, blocking everything else out.Black started to flicker at the edges of his vision. His gaze unfocused and he fell limply back to the deck. The last thing he saw before sinking into unconsciousness was a blue dot floating in a field of brown and pink.

 

*****

 

“Trente fleur!” Robin acted immediately as she saw Sanji’s actions. The raven haired woman caught her crewmate before he reached the water, and lowered him gently onto the ship’s deck. She knelt beside him, trying to see if he was alright, but she couldn’t get a response. He didn’t seem able to focus on anything, and didn’t respond to her voice. She tried shaking his shoulders, but he just gasped and grasped at his chest, like he couldn’t catch his breath. She shouted for Chopper, and he was beside her in an instant, just as Sanji’s eyes slid closed.

 

“Chopper, help him!”

 

“He’s hyperventilating. I need to regulate his oxygen intake.” Without anymore delay, the small reindeer shifted to heavy point and quickly carried the unconscious blonde to their makeshift medical bay in the galley.

 

*****

 

The crew were silent as they waited on the ship’s main deck. Chopper had taken Sanji into the galley nearly two hours ago, and no one had been allowed in since. After what seemed like an eternity, the door opened, and their doctor slipped out.

 

“He’s gonna be asleep for a little while, I had to give him a sedative.”

 

“Chopper, what’s going on with my cook?” Luffy asked the question for all of them.

 

“Luffy, I’m so s-s-sorry!” The small reindeer wailed as he flung himself into the captain’s embrace. “This is all my fault! I was trying to help him, and instead I m-made everything woooooorse!”

 

“Chopper, how could this possibly be your fault?” Nami stepped into the conversation.

 

“B-b-because the medication I gave him didn’t work right, and he had some pretty bad side effects, and ... and... and I didn’t notice in time, and now this!”

 

“Side effects? Wait, what medication? Why does the cook need medication?”

 

“Side effects like fatigue, suicidal thoughts and actions, and I’m guessing Zoro what you saw earlier was one as well.... Luffy, can I talk to you alone?”The crew took the hint and left Chopper alone with their captain.

 

“I told Sanji I wouldn’t tell anyone as long as he wasn’t a threat to himself or the crew. I think what happened qualifies enough for me to fill you in.” Luffy didn’t speak, but held the reindeer in a fixed gaze and waited for him to continue. “Sanji has depression. He said he’s felt that way for a long time, but just recently came to me about it. He will get better! But it will take some time, and adjustment. We agreed he would start on medication to help as well as short therapy sessions with just him and me talking and working through things. But he had a much worse reaction to the drugs than I could have predicted...”

 

“Chopper, did Sanji really try to drown himself?”

 

“Well, yes and no. I don’t think he actually wanted to. But the medication caused some extreme changes in his brain chemistry and he reacted in ways he normally wouldn’t. But when Robin stopped him, he went into hyperventilation because he was so terrified of what he had almost done. He was still really freaked out about it after he woke back up, which is why I gave him a sedative.”

 

“Ok. He’ll be fine. He’s strong, and there is no reason he can’t beat this with all of us here to help... What can we do to help?”

 

“Well, until he wakes up and lets us know, please don’t tell any one else. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but he really didn’t want anyone to know. But I thought you should after what happened....”Chopper finally met Luffy’s eyes, and nearly started crying again. He knew this was a possibility, and still didn’t see anything in time to prevent it from happening. Now Luffy knew everything though, and he knew Luffy would help their chef in any way he could. The captain nodded and followed the doctor back into the galley to wait near Sanji until he regained consciousness.


End file.
